"...and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly. That is what the scar makers want us to think. But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them. We must see all scars as beauty. Okay? This will be our secret. Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying. A scar means, I survived." Little Bee by Chris Cleave
Of course I'm not saying my doctors want me to think my scars are ugly, but I love what Little Bee says about scars in this book. These are my chemo scars. It's where the chemo from the IV site floods or spills out side the vein and burns. This picture was taken today and they've faded a bit, but the long one on the bottom was from my first chemo treatment, that was 2-28-11. The doctor said it will take a long time for them to fade. I think they're pretty stinkin' cool! My battle wounds. I wanted to document them before they completely fade.
So an update on it all. My swap out surgery is coming up, we pushed it back a month so things would work out better with help with my kiddos. I know I've already posted about how I can't wait to get these expanders out but I am REALLY looking forward to this! This will be the last major surgery.
My hair is getting longer, I look like I'm in the military right now, the hair any way. I've been working on getting back to my pre-cancer weight, slowly but surely. I was pretty bummed to find out that my chemo cocktail wouldn't include a weight loss regimen. In fact it had the opposite effect, which is normal.
This year has gone by so fast! It's felt like a whirlwind which I'd have no other way. I'm glad it's going by fast. Cancer will always be apart of what defines me because of how it has changed my life and outlook and I'll probably be annoying and still talk about it on here every once in a while, but I just want to get on with my life. If you ask me for details about my diagnosis I can tell you the very basics but I've let the rest just slip from my memory (I'll always have doctor files and it's on paper in a special overstuffed binder). I don't want to dwell on that, I want to focus on living my life to fullest, not taking a single moment for granted. Which is probably why I'm a crappy support group member. I feel my survivor support group are the people who remind me there's more to life than cancer and surviving it and what that life has to offer. One thing that's been on my mind a lot lately is you only get one chance (sounds like an M&M song) one life to make it be how you want it to be. And it's not a very long one, it goes by so fast, take every opportunity. Every opportunity to love, trust, forgive, reach your goals and dreams. Live with no regrets. Take care of the ones you love and always care. Never say "I don't care" or "whatever". I'm a pretty laid back person and admit was guilty of this, because I thought I'd be happy with whatever. I'm learning to realize what will really be the best decision and what will make me happy. It kind of sounds insignificant but it has to start somewhere, this living life to the fullest idea.
I thank you for all your posts, Sara. But this one really resonates with me. I've never had cancer.......but I have learned in other, painful ways, that life is short. I wonder if you would mind if I quote from "One thing that's been on my mind lately.........to the end of the post. Just to a few of my close family members. Just to the ones that I know will never make the effort to read a blog that I recommend. I would of course, cite your blog.
ReplyDeleteI don't mind at all! :)
ReplyDeleteLOVE your scar quote!
ReplyDeleteI always look at scars and think there is probably a pretty good or bad, silly or not so silly, big or not so big story to go along with it! They are just a fact of life and sometimes a great conversation starter :)
I think it is awesome that you are documenting your scars along with everything you have experienced beating cancer!