Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Just a little catch up

Yesterday Casey said "Thanks" and it made me sad.  He used to say "Thank". He's growing up. At least he still says "Peanut butter chubby" for peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Bennett with his drawing of our family.

A closer look at the fam. I love how Casey is holding my  hand and Dad has his arm around Bennett and  Lucy is in the middle. 

And this is Lucy. 
Bennett is such a good little artist! He amazes me every day. He's growing up so fast. Preschool will be so fun for him and I'm excited for all that he's going to learn and all the friends he's going to make.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Our Little Guppy

So excited to start his lesson, this is the last day.

And this is what Casey had to do the whole time. He was not a big fan of swim lessons.

The last day was Water Safety day so they wore and learned about life jackets.

Mischievous Bennett, getting into the toy stash.

"Look, Tigger is going to swim too!"

This was cute, I wish I got a video of it. He's dancing his excited little dance with one of the  girls in his class. She was so sweet. She reminded me so much of Bennett. Every day she'd give him a hug and a kiss.

More of their Happy Dance. I think it was because they were so excited they got to go in the boat.

This is right after he slipped and went completely under. It startled him but then he was so proud of himself and kept giving me thumbs up and talking to the teacher about what happened to him.

Bennett finished swim lessons! Well, his first swim lessons class. He did so great! At first he was his usual cautious self but once he got warmed up he was a natural.  He was dunking his head underwater before anyone else and eventually ventured off the platform all by himself where the water went up to his chin. We had a couple talks about going out too far. He was so cute! He'd dunk under the water then squeeze his eyes and look up and find me in the bleachers and give me a thumbs up. He must have done that at least 5 times durring each 30 minute class. Unfortunately he didn't get to pass because he had a hard time going from a front float to a back float. But his teacher was gone for the last 2 classes so I think he would have passed had she been there. Great job Benny Boy! See it was a little scary at first but once you did it and learned how to do it right it was so much fun! I'm so proud of you! We may have to celebrate by going to the wave pool.

Sunday, August 7, 2011


"...and I ask you right here please to agree with me that a scar is never ugly.  That is what the scar makers want us to think.  But you and I, we must make an agreement to defy them.  We must  see all scars as beauty. Okay?  This will be our secret.  Because take it from me, a scar does not form on the dying.  A scar means, I survived."  Little Bee by Chris Cleave

Of course I'm not saying my doctors want me to think my scars are ugly, but I love what Little Bee says about scars in this book. These are my chemo scars. It's where the chemo from the IV site floods or spills out side the vein and burns. This picture was taken today and they've faded a bit, but the long one on the bottom was from my first chemo treatment, that was 2-28-11. The doctor said it will take a long time for them to fade. I think they're pretty stinkin' cool! My battle wounds. I wanted to document them before they completely fade.

So an update on it all. My swap out surgery is coming up, we pushed it back a month so things would work out better with help with my kiddos. I know I've already posted about how I can't wait to get these expanders out but I am REALLY looking forward to this! This will be the last major surgery.
My hair is getting longer, I look like I'm in the military right now, the hair any way. I've been working on getting back to my pre-cancer weight, slowly but surely. I was pretty bummed to find out that my chemo cocktail wouldn't include a weight loss regimen. In fact it had the opposite effect, which is normal.

This year has gone by so fast! It's felt like a whirlwind which I'd have no other way.  I'm glad it's going by fast.  Cancer will always be apart of what defines me because of how it has changed my life and outlook and I'll probably be annoying and still talk about it on here every once in a while, but I just want to get on with my life. If you ask me for details about my diagnosis I can tell you the very basics but I've let the rest just slip from my memory (I'll always have doctor files and it's on paper in a special overstuffed binder). I don't want to dwell on that, I want to focus on living my life to fullest, not taking a single moment for granted. Which is probably why I'm a crappy support group member. I feel my survivor support group are the people who remind me there's more to life than cancer and surviving it and what that life has to offer. One thing that's been on my mind a lot lately is you only get one chance (sounds like an M&M song) one life to make it be how you want it to be. And it's not a very long one, it goes by so fast, take every opportunity. Every opportunity to love, trust, forgive, reach your goals and dreams.  Live with no regrets. Take care of the ones you love and always care. Never say "I don't care" or "whatever". I'm a pretty laid back person and admit was guilty of this, because I thought I'd be happy with whatever.  I'm learning to realize what will really be the best decision and what will make me happy. It kind of sounds insignificant but it has to start somewhere, this living life to the fullest idea.

My current obsession

Raising Cain, The Emotional Lives of Boys. Read it, just do it. It's only 258 pages long and it will change how you view and interact with boys. If you have a boy in your life, whether you're a parent, teacher, mentor or friend, you need to read this.
"...But as their manuscript progressed, Kindlon and Thompson realized a simple "how-to" would not do. "In the end," they write, "we found that the best advice we had to offer was simply to understand boys as they truly are ­ rather than as they appear or as we wish them to be. Our deepest wish is to pull aside the curtain boys so tenaciously draw around themselves and offer you a look inside their hearts and minds. If we succeed, we hope that you will see more clearly the ways in which our culture conspires to limit and undermine their emotional lives. We hope you will understand boys better, and above all, we hope you will enjoy them more"
Read an interview with one of the authors, Dan Kindlon, PH.D. here.