Everything's PINK :)

Just an update on where I'm at. I have my surgery for a double mastectomy and the first part of the reconstruction process scheduled for the 20th. My mom will be temporarily  moving in with us to help out and Cinnie and Papa are taking the boys that weekend. I'll probably be in the hospital for at least a couple days. And have a few tubes for wound drainage and and pain medication when I come home. (Fun!) I've just decided to go with implants for reconstruction. I was a little against it before but after talking with my surgeon he made them seem the better option.
a.) The ones I'll get (gumi bears- just called that because if they ever break it all stays together and doesn't get seperated) have a life time guarantee and they'll replace them for free if I ever need them to, because implants aren't supposed to last forever.
b.) Less surgery
c.) Shorter surgery, I had mentioned before I wanted the DIEP surgery but that would take him 16 hours! and he said I don't want him working on me for more than 7 hours. Glad he's honest about his limits!
d.) I'll look "normal" in clothing as opposed to doing no reconstruction
e.) I can still do monthly breast exams and have imaging done the way he'll put them in which is behind my chest muscle. This is really important for me as it could be a reoccurring thing.

I'm being tested for BRCA 1 and 2 gene and P53 gene. The results came back negative for the first part of the BRCA test (good news). I'm hoping to be negative for everything of course and negative for my hormone receptors test.

Starting to feel a little nervous about surgery but I just have to keep telling my self my doctors are really good at what they do. They do it a lot and people have gone through this before and are fine. Yeah it's gonna suck big time but I'll be a stronger person once I'm through it and I will get through it.  I have an amazing support system of people who love me, encourage me and are willing to help.  The funny thing is the thing I'm most worried about isn't what I'll look like after, how sick I'm going to be with Chemo or if they'll get all my cancer. It's that I might not be able to have any more babies. That has been really hard for me. I know I'm being dumb and should be grateful I have two beautiful boys and I am! I'm so blessed. I always dreaded the day when we'd have to stop having kids but that seemed so far away and so I'd just push it out of my head when I though about it. But now it's a reality and so much sooner than I ever imagined. Especially since we had a plan of getting pregnant at the end of the year. Now that Monkey Bean is growing so fast and really isn't a baby any more it makes me think about it more. So I'm really praying that all these tests come back negative which would mean I'd get to keep my ovaries. If I have them removed that means I'll go through menopause. Menopause. AT 27! I imagine my self all of sudden waking up from my surgery to take them out old and wrinkled and gray with aches and pains, a mustache and hair growing out of my ears and 50lbs larger wearing MOM PANTS! That's silly, I wouldn't be wearing pants waking up from that surgery, probably a hospital gown.
Well, I'm going to stop now cuz I'm just making my self feel bad. Sorry this post is such a downer. Happier ones will come I promise.